My boyfriend has already had sex, oral sex, and mutual masturbation with multiple partners. I think we're ready to have sex, but I'm nervous that I will get pregnant or get an STD. How can I prevent these and get over my self-consciousness? Also how can I tell if he has an STD without asking him?
You're right to consider these possibilities. Having sex is a huge decision, and an STD or unplanned pregnancy can change your life.
Condoms are the best way to prevent pregnancy and STDs, so be sure to use a condom every time you have sex (including oral or anal sex). Like most things in life, though, condoms aren't 100% guaranteed. That's why you need to talk to your boyfriend about your concerns before you have sex.
Your boyfriend has been honest about his past sexual partners, and that's a sign he'll be open to talking about STDs. Try to work up the courage to talk. You can start by asking your boyfriend if he's ever worried about STDs and if he's been tested.
Lots of people have this conversation with their partners. Still, it's normal to be nervous when you first start talking. If your boyfriend cares, he'll want to help you feel comfortable in your relationship. Sex is about sharing as a couple, not one person's pleasure. Most people admire partners who respect themselves enough to protect their own health, even if it means asking tough questions.
There's no way to tell by looking if a person has an STD — even people who have STDs sometimes don't know it. If you've had sex before, you and your boyfriend can get tested together at a local health clinic like Planned Parenthood. Or you can offer to go with your boyfriend for support if he wants. While you're there, ask for advice on birth control, since there's still a chance you can get pregnant even while using condoms.
Testing is easy and usually inexpensive (some states even have free testing programs). Testing for the most common STDs can now be done with just a urine sample. There's one thing to bear in mind when getting tested, though: Although tests check for STDs that carry the most serious health risks, not all tests check for every STD. So keep using condoms every time you have sex. People should also get checked anytime they have a new partner.
Reviewed by: Julia Brown Lancaster, BSN, RN
Date reviewed: November 2012
*Names have been changed to protect user privacy.